In the end I got off pretty easy.

During the most recent school holidays, that, like Jay Leno’s tenure on The Tonight Show or more locally Mark Latham‘s time as Labour Party leader now feels like so long ago you wonder if it really happened, I promised my eight year old daughter I’d take her to three movies at the cinema.

That ended up being reduced to only one, the not so incredible THE INCREDIBLES 2. Sitting through this film – the parts I stayed awake for – has prompted a ‘big moment’ life decision made mindfully on my part.

THE INCREDIBLES 2 marks the last time I will EVER pay to see a children’s animation film in the theatre again. I may be a non-believer when it comes to the nutty ‘Christmas in July’ but I’ll defend with staunch logic and balsa-wood-pulverising karate chops the soundness of making ‘New Year’s’ resolutions whenever the need arises. And the need just arose.

Over the eighteen month life of this blog you’ve been treated to my rampaging thoughts on a variety of kid’s pics –

SING (HERE)

MOANA (HERE)

BOSS BABY (HERE)

CARS 3 (HERE)

But all that ends today.

And I think it’s time.

Next year my daughter will be nine and since a great many of the Disney/Pixar movies are geared more for the 6 year olds market, she’s showing signs she’s about ready to move on as well. It’s been a thrill-a-minute second childhood for me but every one has to grow up sometime. My only regret is I have to say farewell forever to this Hollywood babysitter’s club on such mediocre terms.

From memory I found a lot to like in the original INCREDIBLES movie back in 2004. Problem is in the intervening 14 years the cinematic superhero landscape has transformed noticeably.

Nowadays, the sort of ironic, self-conscience and self referencing humor poking fun at the foibles of mask-wearing crime-fighter types that THE INCREDIBLES championed so likeably is now literally everywhere – think DEADPOOL 1 & 2, KICKASS 1 & 2, ANTMAN 1 & 2, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 1 & 2, HELLBOY 1 & 2 (2019) as well as countless spoof-style sequences in the IRON MAN, AVENGERS and CAPTAIN AMERICA franchises.

Apart from the epilepsy warning that accompanied the release of this film, there just didn’t seem to be anything so uniquely incredible anymore about THE INCREDIBLES.

THE INCREDIBLES 2 is colossally short on characterisation and comedy and huge on action and chase sequences. In this regard it reminds me of one of my bigger filmgoing disappointments of recent years MAD MAX: FURY ROAD (2015).

As mostly any one who’s seen that movie would be forced to agree, zero attempt at providing character ‘arcs’ or motives for actions amidst a two-hour overly long series of car chase sequences ends up becoming pretty tiresome (and this from a person who regards MAD MAX 2 (1981) as the finest movie to come from the Australian film industry – ever!) Seriously.

My daughter ended up seeing during her holidays HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 3 as well, (not with me) so I asked her for ratings for both movies. This is how she responded –

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 3  –  9 out of 10

THE INCREDIBLES 2           –   5 out of 10

The procession of small children in the theatre darkness I observed going down the carpeted steps accompanied by their parents and out into the foyer for a brain break was also testament, to my mind, of the inability of this film to engage and hold its young audience.

My self-imposed ban on kid’s movies means I’ll miss out on seeing FROZEN 2. That’s a bridge I’ll cross when I come to it – sometime in 2019. For the meantime I’m feeling emboldened by the new mature me which I now realise will also entail me giving up using my daughter’s pink cinnamon lip gloss. Could this be a turning point?

Ps. Does anyone else think the chisel-jawed Mr Incredible bears at least a passing resemblance to former St George Dragons NRL player Mark Gasnier who retired back in 2011?

Pss. Seeing this movie wasn’t all bad. It made me recall a show with a similar name I enjoyed as a kid. It was called THAT’S INCREDIBLE! and ran for five seasons from 1980 – 1984. Check out this segment HERE profiling a very young Tiger Woods.

Psss. One final vanilla slice update. A few days back I travelled 18km to sample the perfection I’d been told was on offer at Toowong’s French Patisserie. Life may have its disappointments but this was definitely not one of them. The rectangular block of sumptuousness I’d travelled across the western freeway for came with a middle pastry layer and custard filling impregnated with real strawberries. The to-die-for top icing layer was rendered in the colours of the French flag.

It was truly INCREDIBLE! and went a long way to restoring my shaken faith in the appeal of the modern vanilla slice.