Dueling Book Blurbs

Every once in a while, a new writer bursts onto the scene, which makes a disgusting mess. But, other times, a hilarious writer like Jen Spyra comes along with a fabulous collection of brilliantly funny dark stories.” —Jack Handey

“Jack Handey’s blurb about my book is one of the best blurbs I’ve read in a long time. It has it all—a funny joke, a hearty endorsement. What’s not to love? I mean, sure, he could have laid it on a little thicker. Something like ‘Jen Spyra is a comedic godsend.’ Still, like a trusty old car, Jack’s blurb gets the job done. This is one blurb you don’t want to miss!” —Jen Spyra

“In her blurb about my blurb, Jen Spyra compares my praise of her book to a ‘trusty old car.’ Some might see this as youthful impertinence combined with an awkward metaphor. But that’s the genius of Jen Spyra! With her fearless exuberance, she can take what might seem like bad writing and make it sing—or at least hum.” —Jack Handey

“Jack Handey’s latest blurb casts a wistful eye back on the impertinence of youth. From his vantage point at the razor’s edge of eternity, Professor Handey delivers a master class on the finer points of metaphor, a literary device that he expertly deploys in his stories about cowboys, monkeys, and dinosaurs. There is much that we can learn from this sage, elderly elder.” —Jen Spyra

“As I walked past the young woman on the park bench, I noticed that she was reading Jen Spyra’s new book. She was laughing and laughing. I asked her which part she was reading, and she said, ‘The blurbs—they’re hilarious! Especially the one by Jack Handey.’ I asked her if she had read any of the book itself, and she said no, that she probably would, but first she wanted to read the incredibly hilarious blurbs again.” —Jack Handey

“Funny story. I was at a yard sale the other day, and I came across a copy of ‘Deep Thoughts.’ I asked the lady how much it was, and she shrugged and said, ‘I don’t know—a quarter? My ex-husband used to read it on the can. I think it’s got some poop on it.’ ” —Jen Spyra

“A copy of ‘Deep Thoughts’ even without poop on it recently sold at Sotheby’s for $2.1 million. A copy of Jen Spyra’s new book was used by the auctioneer as the thing you hit with the gavel.” —Jack Handey

“I just had a ‘deep thought’ of my own. Ever notice how there’s not a single trans cowboy in Jack Handey’s work? The guy loves to write about cowboys, but you’ll be hard-pressed to find a trans one in his entire œuvre. Cowboys can be trans too, Jack. (Get the truth at http://www.handeyhatestranscowboys.net.)” —Jen Spyra

“Jen Spyra rarely, if ever, writes about any kind of cowboy. What’s up with that?” —Jack Handey

“Jack Handey should stop yammering on about cowboys and start doing the thing that he was asked to do: talk about an exciting new author’s work.” —Jen Spyra

“The stories in Jen Spyra’s new book are so amazingly funny that it makes you wonder who wrote them.” —Jack Handey

“Ever hear the rumor that Jack Handey isn’t even a real person? It’s true. He’s not! He’s just an alter ego Lorne Michaels created to test out jokes that he thought were too dumb to say himself.” —Jen Spyra

“Jen Spyra, Jen Spyra, your pants are on fire-a!” —Jack Handey

“What the—Jack Handey just lit my pants on fire! Please, someone, call an ambulance!!! My legs are melting as this maniac just stands there, doing his stupid cowboy dance!!!” —Jen Spyra

“It’s a funny cowboy dance.” —Jack Handey

“[frantic scrabbling]” —Jen Spyra

Aggghh! I’m being strangled by Jen Spyra!!!” —Jack Handey

“Jack Handey’s latest blurb is simple, direct, and, most important, accurate. I recommend it to anyone—except the judge currently weighing the conditions of my bail.” —Jen Spyra

“I still like her book.” —Jack Handey’s epitaph