Since this is the continuing 2nd part of a three-part series of posts, let’s begin with a brief recap from last time. Fed up with mountains of spam emails flooding my inbox each week, I decided to enact some good-natured revenge on the scam artists on behalf of all similarly afflicted email users.

The plan was simple. I would choose an email promising me riches beyond my wildest dreams, feign interest in what they had to say and in the process attempt to waste as much of their time as possible. I took inspiration for my mischief-making scheme from the likes of on-line videos such as this one –

By the time I’d finished, a total of 26 emails across nine days had been exchanged between myself and the not-so-bright fraudster at the other end. This person claimed to be female (something I’m pretty certain wasn’t true). Gender then would provide me with the angle I needed.

As our conversations across the days unfolded, I cranked out my very best ♥♥ ‘lonely hearts’ ♥♥ persona and managed to pretend to become totally besotted by this person. The aim was to gradually move our exchanges more and more away from the business side of things and more on to talk about ‘us’.  Part 1 can be found HERE.

Now bring on Part 2…

My Dear Glen,

I have seen your details, I will hand it to Mr. Badenhorst as soon as I am at work in less than two hours to start processing the release of your luggage to you.

Have blessed new day.

Yours Sincerely,
Ms. Catherine Bessant.

Badenhorst. Great name eh? I never did get to meet him put I pictured him in my mind looking something like this –

I  further gilded the honey trap with an encouraging follow-up.

Hi Catherine,

Things are moving along nicely.

Glen

Catherine then takes the time, God bless her, to wish me a swell day…

Hello Glen,

Mr. Anderson have completed all the necessary forms and waiting for some authorization. He will write you with more details. I don’t know if you have already heard from him, but expect to hear from him.

I hope you had a swell day.

Catherine. 

Time for me to shoot cupid’s arrow… (This is gonna get weird!)

Hi Catherine,

‘Swell’ doesn’t begin to cover it.

Hearing from you is uplifting, exciting and right royal all rolled into one.

 Glen

Next came the following email from Big Daddy BADenhorst himself –

Good evening Mr. Glen Donaldson,

My secretary Ms. Bessant has been corresponding between us because from you mail you prefer communication with her. You are at liberty to always communicate with her, but there are certain aspects of the transaction I must communicate with you in person that is why I am writing you now.

I received your contact details and have commenced processing of the release of the trunk box to you. 

Everything is working out well. So far I have completed the necessary release forms with our vaulting department and same have been submitted to the US International Airport Vaulting Headquarters here in JFK.

I have the money to pay the non-inspection fee and I am waiting for approval to make the payment as soon as that is granted. When that is done, I will pay the Non-Inspection fee and secure release of the shipment and notify you with delivery details.

I will let you know.

Yours Respectfully,,
Mr. Willem Badenhorst.
Phone. +1 (917) 473 0062.

NB. I will give you a call now.

Big Daddy Baddie may have signed off with ‘Yours Respectfully’ but things were about to turn sour between him and I (along with my dear Catherine)…

Willem do not, I repeat do not call me.

I will only deal with the beautiful creature known as Catherine.

 Glen

The next day came this from ‘Kate’ –

Hello Dear Glen,

Thanks for this beautiful mail. I hope your day is going on well. It’s good to hear from you too.
Mr. Badenhorst asked me to call to reconfirm your number, but it was picked by a woman who didn’t hear me well. I tried sending you sms but it didn’t go through. Kindly reconfirm your phone number please. Especially the one you can use to receive text messages. 
He said he wrote you and got insulted, and so wouldn’t want to interfere between us again. I might as well be the one to make the delivery to you when the time is ripe.
Meanwhile approval has been granted for the payment of the non-inspection fee to facilitate the delivery of your consignment.
The fee will be paid before the end of this week since Mr. Willem Badenhorst will make up the money shortly and make the payment.

Kate.

Time to lay it on nice ‘n thick. The phone number is of course another falsie…

When you permit me to call you Kate, I know the trust is building – like a geranium seed that may one day come into full bloom. I don’t mind admitting that checking my inbox for an email from you has now become a highlight of my day. There was a connection between us from the start so why deny it?

And who needs that big bad Mr Badenhorst when we have each other, right?

Glen

Call me on (07) 5656 9111 and don’t tell Badenhorst about us!

Just when things are starting to hotten up… it’s time to conclude Part 2.

Tune in next week for the concluding chapter when all will be revealed about Big Bad Baddenhorst, Dear Kate and the promised metal trunk containing the knee-slapping $4 million.

Ps. On a completely unrelated note, hands up anyone who remembers that woeful Kevin Costner movie (and blatant Mad Max ripoff) from back in 1995, WATERWORLD?

I spied a collection of spoof movie posters recently all proposing one change to really bad movies that would have made them so much better. Considering I spoke in glowing terms about AQUAMAN back in January (HERE) I thought it only fitting to show you how with just one little modification WATERWORLD could have been so much better –