Don Knotts (1924 – 2006) was a tv and movie comedian I loved as a kid.

He typically played nerd-type characters that were awkward and nervous. All up, Knotts made 27 movies. These are some of my faves –

Care for a little taste of Don in action? This scene is from his 1968 movie THE SHAKIEST GUN IN THE WEST. I’ve spliced it into three parts.

I recently finished reading his autobiography as well. It details his rise up the comedy ranks after serving in the United States Army during WW2. The book’s title is named after a character he played in the 1960’s on THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW.

Apart from his movies I used to watch him in a show in the 80’s called THREES COMPANY. Don Knotts could get people laughing just by the way he moved his eyes. Check this out –

Later in his career, Don lent his voice to a number of film characters, including some SCOOBY DOO movies, as well as the 2002 PlayStation 2 video game SCOOBY DOO: NIGHT OF 100 FRIGHTS –

And yes, there is a statue. It lives in Don Knotts’s hometown in the U.S state of West Virginia.

Click HERE to see where Don rated on a list of the 75 Best Comedians of All Time.

The last time SCENIC WRITER’S SHACK broke a story about funny business in the food business was back in 2018.

On that occasion, SWS single-handedly exposed the hushed-up removal/abolition/extinction/call-it-what-you-will-but-it’s-no-longer-there deletion of the humble vanilla’s slice’s internal pastry layer.

What the disappearance of Amelia Earhart once was to the aviation industry so too THE GREAT VANILLA SLICE RIP-OFF sent shockwaves (gentle as they were) around the internet seven years ago. And SWS was there first. Naturally.

And now SCENIC WRITER’S SHACK has uncovered another foodie mystery glazed with intrigue and the freshly-baked scent of cover-up; an unacknowledged secret cleverly concealed from the general public. Unacknowledged and concealed… until now.

After more than two years of undercover investigation by SWS, it can now be revealed for the first time that, despite persistent denials to the contrary, McDonalds, for reasons known only to itself, openly includes and continues to advertise an item on its menu that in reality they no longer serve and therefore for them, may as well no longer exist.

And that, dear reader, is what’s known as a phantom menu item.

We speak of course of none other than the elusive, evasive, and now entirely mythical not to mention imaginary McDonalds coffee frappe

McDonald’s introduced the coffee frappe – topped with whipped cream and a drizzle of caramel sauce – onto the Australian market in the early 2010’s. It was the new-generation ‘marquee’ refreshment that upped their previous iconic humble thick shake.

In the last two-three years however, McDonalds has pinned it’s hopes on another big-name headline taste introduced into it’s substantive drinks menu, the stood-the-test-of-time, unassuming iced coffee.

Pure and simple, it’s a far easier process to make an iced coffee drink than it is a frappe. It follows then that the decision to discreetly phase-out their frappe range is a profit-driven one. No prizes for guessing that.

Historically, for literally hundreds of thousands of male teenagers and young men in their twenties, iced coffee has for a while – meaning several generations – been considered an imbibing substance as instinctive and necessary as beer was for the baby boomers. From a business point of view it makes perfect sense to ditch the frappe and re-invigorate an old chestnut, the iced coffee.

And besides, McDonalds most likely figures the likes of ZARRAFAS, GLORIA JEANS, THE COFFEE CLUB, MUFFIN BREAK and half a dozen other ‘brunch’ chains that all offer expansive ‘chiller’ menus do the frappe thing so much more gulp-worthily than they do, why not just leave them to it.

So McDonalds decides to grandfather one of their menu items. Where’s the great mystery, you ask. Glad, so glad, you asked.

When a person travels to four different McDonalds locations in the one afternoon – in the name of ‘good taste’ investigative journalism – in search of an elusive coffee frappe – only to be served the identical line from all four drive-thrus – “Sorry but our machine is broken”, the average person’s ‘something’s up’ radar will likely ping.

Mine went into fully blown car alarm mode. Why? Because I’ve been following the biscoff breadcrumb trail of this whimsical cover-up for quite some time and been ‘fed’ this same phony line from literally dozens upon dozens of Maccas outlets over the last few years.

And when a publication with the intellectual heft and standing of no less than TIME MAGAZINE starts to weigh in with its own questions, what more confirmation do you need that the whipped cream-topped truth is being kept from us all.

SWS first broke this story four years ago. HERE Back then it was mere coffee-scented rumor. Now it’s truth. Now it’s real. Now, sadly, it’s confirmed. The once-loved – especially by me (if you couldn’t tell!) – McDonald’s coffee frappe is now officially…

Anyone with personal experience of this conspiracy, cover-up, phenomena, er…, ok, let’s call it ‘issue’, feel free to pour forth, so to speak, in the comments section below.