The Great Wrinkle Machine

/ Glen Donaldson

Capture

I just couldn’t help myself.

I’ve been informed numerous times by my wife that one of these days my (on-line) mouth would land me in hot water.

And while the story I’m about to tell hasn’t produced any sparks so far, it so easily could have.

A few days back, I was sitting at home in front of my computer when a peek-a-boo message alert popped up on the bottom right hand corner of the screen.

This was a notification that someone had just posted an item for sale on a closed on-line group I am subscribed to called FOREST LAKE ONLINE GARAGE SALES. I’ve never bought anything from this local 2nd-hand sellers site before nor have I ever offered anything for sale. I don’t even fully recall why or when I signed up to the group but still I allow the alerts to come.

Why? Because as a study of human behaviour and an anonymous look into the goldfish bowl of people’s lives, nothing tops garage sales.  I don’t roam the hedge-trimmer shaped streetmeadows of the Twistiverse that is suburbia with the same abandon I once used to so these days on-line it is. 

Offered for sale on this site are the usual collection of no longer needed prams, treadmills, tents, ornamental vases bearing the internationally identifiable KITSCH label and kids playsets with the missing pieces, but every now and then something more unusual appears that catches the eye.

And so it was when I came upon the following picture –

Wrinkle removal

accompanied by these lines of description –

TOBI Wrinkle Removal Machine.Comes with instruction manual and attachments. Upright and portable.      

I was fairly certain this was a device intended for either clothes or carpets but I couldn’t resist sending the following query to the seller –   

Mine

I expected to receive back as good as I gave in the sarcasm department but instead I snagged this rather to the point, matter-of-fact response –

Narelle

I’m guessing at this point the seller still believed there was some chance of a sale and so thought it best to hold back from any punchy-type replies.

All joking aside, I still say in the right enterprising hands, this TOBI WRINKLE REMOVAL MACHINE could apply its doubtless vast sucking power to a person’s facial features and deliver that artificially pinched look folk pay plastic surgeons huge sums for.

I know. I know. Keep up this type of charmless derision and biting flight-risk banter and someone’s gonna really drop me in it. In the meantime, there’s a lot of fun to be had with on-line garage sale queries. I could claim it’s all in the name of consumer right-to-know advocacy, but who’d believe that?

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15 thoughts on “The Great Wrinkle Machine”

  4. Agreed Martina.
    ‘Seems legit’ sounds such an old-school Aussie remark.
    I should say at this point also that I saw a person in Bunnings last weekend buying a tub of pollyfilla and thought to myself, “She really knows how to save on cosmetics”.
    (Not meant to sound cruel)

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  5. Trust you Glen! I think that your day of ‘landing in hot water’ is fast approaching? My imagination went crazy with images of this machine attached to my face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  6. I have to confess to seriously killing myself laughing here Glen. If “seems legit” wasn’t enough, it only got worse when you commented on how to save on cosmetics.

    Stevie, sitting to the left of me had only one thing to say: “What happened”?

    The innocence of youth. So sweet….

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